The Effects Of Budo

Would you find it strange that I never had a plan for this?

Not on day one, years later, or even now.

There still is no plan.

When I walked into the dojo to watch a class that night I really didn’t have any intention to join, I was just checking the place out with a friend.

Maybe it was something fun we could do together?

What did I even know about budo?

Martial arts?

Stuff from the movies, comic books, and a few video games.

Maybe boxing?

Did I even know anybody that practiced martial arts?

Watching that class, I can say I didn’t know what I was watching, but I knew instantly in that moment without hesitation that this was what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

This is what I needed to be doing, and this dojo, right here is where I needed to be.

Would you think that strange?

At that time in life all my friends were taking that first leap into the adult world.

College applications, plans for a career, plans on what to do with one’s life.

When I explained to my mother that I was going to study budo, study the sword (kenjutsu) I think her thought process went something like this: I have no idea what my son is talking about, but for the first time in his life he seems serious about something and that could lead to something.

That and it sounds like military service so if it doesn’t work out at least he will have some discipline.

At those graduation parties that seemed to last the entire summer with my friends none of them understood as the mindset at the time was college was the only path, college for anything, otherwise you will be a failure and a homeless vagrant on the streets.

There was no vocabulary for what I was trying to articulate.

Yet in that circle there was one person, one classmate, who understood exactly what I was saying as they had a similar experience in knowing an absolute path.

Only they had a plan for it, being academic.

Nobody ever asked what I was doing in the dojo, why I was there, because I just kept on showing up and training. About a year into training when the teacher asked some of us why we are here in the dojo there was a variety of answers: self-defense, competition, fitness and spirituality, something to do on a Wednesday night (true), and for me it was just silence.

I’m here because I’m supposed to be here.

As I moved through the kyu ranks it looked like I had a plan, I studied the movements, engaged with them, and stepped forward for every belt test.

It looked like a plan, but it wasn’t.

My aim was black belt (shodan), simply because there were classes and training events that one could only attend if they were a black belt.

The rank was a passport.

Beyond shodan (nidan, sandan, etc.) I didn’t care.

What I didn’t notice at the time, as I was busy just showing up, training, and being content in the place I needed to be, is that the combination of presence and commitment allowed me to be blown around by the martial arts winds.

With no plan I was allowed to go where things led me.

Invites to seminars and training sessions “because we can’t get rid of this guy so we might as well invite him”.

Friends made, forged, and tested in the dojo and the places that orbited it- the coffee house, pizza shop, movie theater, and Japanese restaurant.

Introductions to people that I never would have known existed or met outside of any other life-path.

The dojo, the movement, the teaching, the art also became a structure and a compass.

I had something that was mine, truly mine in the movement and training that could not be changed or taken away.

When life was great and everything running smoothly there was budo.

When life was crap and everything was falling apart there was budo.

Spring, summer, fall, and winter there was budo.

That stability, that anchor, allowed me an opportunity to see and experience other things outside of the dojo.

It gave me a map to navigate the territory and make an honest choice, for better or worse.

All of the opportunities, adventures, and stories in my life are because of budo and my lack of direction, the direction it gave me.