The Space Between Us

Most gave it no thought.

A few viewed it as a chore or obligation.

I viewed it as a ritual.

Class started at 7 PM sharp, and you had better not be late.

I had the responsibility of arriving early and setting everything up ahead of time for the evening’s lesson.

Ready to go so the teacher could just walk right in and start the training.

I’d arrive at 5:00 and by 5:20 it was all set.

When I locked the door and turned around, there you were.

Nobody else had ever arrived this early and you suggested we grab something to eat together before class started.

What did you have in mind?

You suggested the restaurant and as we walked around the corner I wasn’t sure how to keep pace.

Technically speaking we were not in class yet so walking just ahead of you would be weird, walking behind you seemed out of place, it was keeping pace alongside you felt natural.  

There was a rhythm in your step, a marker that was different from the other people walking around us. Like them we were on our way to somewhere, but there was no urgency to get there, you would arrive when you arrive.

I asked about what you thought tonight’s lesson would be a way to fill the silence of the walk, and when we got to the restaurant I was relieved. Inside I could fill the silence with ordering the food and eating.

At the door, you let me lead.

I opened it, stepped aside, and turned so you could go in first.

Before you stepped past me and went inside, a slight pause and nod at the gesture.

Did I miss something?

We sat at the counter side by side and I wasn’t sure what to order so I was relieved when you took the lead.

I’ll have what you are having, and while it was rare I ate sushi, I didn’t know there were vegetable only rolls. When you remarked that you were a vegetarian that was something very different for me, a consideration I never thought about.

Now that the ordering was placed, what would we talk about?

My mind quickly searched for something to say, but thankfully the sushi chef took care of that.

As he prepared the rolls in front of us, nothing needed to be said as we enjoyed the presentation in silence, something that turned out to be really nice.

To just sit with a person, you and enjoy an experience together through somebody else.

When it was plated and presented to us and you picked up the first piece that is when I tried to hide from you that I suddenly felt foolish.

Next to me was a woman perfectly poised and postured with ohashi in hand, her grey suit perfectly pressed, her white shirt perfectly framed, accented by black shoes.

Next to her was a guy dressed in a flannel shirt, ripped jeans, and high-top boots.

Sitting with her I was exposed, clumsy, and wondering where my former command of movement and awareness had gone.

Suddenly it felt like I had wasted the past four years of my life and learned nothing.

It was a relief when you gently filled the space with conversation.

I had heard you were from California, that you moved out here to work in finance, and computers really interested you.

Thank god for computers, as that was something I was interested in also and was a comfortable place to talk about as we finished dinner.

Yes, very much so.

I left out perhaps too much as others might have started to notice.

Practicing together was easy, as all we had to do was let the movements guide us, there was no need to talk about anything, as the silence between us was out own language together.

I did pause when you asked me why dinner, or any other activity between us should be different.

Timing again saved the need for a response as it was getting time to head back and open for class.

I was surprised when you held the restaurant door for me this time, nobody had ever done that before.