The Test That Never Came

It was after class when the Bad Boy of the dojo and myself were cooling down for a bit before changing out of our dogi when one of the senior students came over and started chatting with about martial arts philosophy.

As the senior and my friend talked, I just listened.

On the surface the conversation was mundane enough, but in the hierarchy of the dojo it was out of place.

Unless…

A similar pattern began unfolding during the next few classes.

Normally when a technique is demonstrated by the teacher or one of the senior students in the dojo, nothing is explained. As a student you watch the movements and later perform them as best to your ability.

Talking leads to thinking, and thinking in budo prevents the mind from being fluid.

It was subtle, a comment here, one there.

Where to place the foot, how to move the hand.

Key points of the movements being pointed out.

Something was building.

There would also be moments after class, before we all headed over to the Japanese restaurant or tea house that the senior students would briefly talk with the teacher.

It was my responsibility to break down the dojo after class and put everything away, and I honored that by not listening to what they were saying, but one could feel the tone.

It was confirmed after the next class, what I had suspected when the teacher announced that in the next few weeks examinations for rank would be happening and that the named students should be ready.

Roppo Doji.

My name was last on the list.

Each student testing for rank was assigned a senior student (sempai) in the dojo who would review what was needed and expected in terms of movement and responsibility. Conduct inside the dojo would be observed and one had a few weeks to work on the material before being tested.

Feedback and questions from the senior students were encouraged along with meeting outside of regular training times for instruction.

Test days were posted a month in advance, with each student being given a day in the order of the list.

Certainly, it had surprised me a bit that my name was on the list, and while I was secretly happy for the consideration, perhaps it was a bit soon? In the hierarchy of the dojo one did not turn down rank examinations, and so that was that.

The classes before the first examination had a duality to them.

For those of us being tested there was the presented lesson for each class, plus the required rank stuff being woven in. You had to be learning the new stuff, while using the in-class time to get the most out of what you were going to be tested on.

There was a feeling over overload and not being able to keep up.

Along with the others I made good use of the offered resources from the senior students, having them analyze my movement and offer feedback from when they tested for the rank.

I was catching up, but still felt behind.

The day of the first test is when I thought of a plan.

Each class a new student was tested, watch them during class, and note the corrections made by the teacher and make sure I’m not making the same mistake. It seemed to be working well over the next few classes even if I had a bit of trouble keeping up in each class.

The test itself was rather formal, even for a normally less-informal dojo.

The teacher on one side of the room, senior students next to him off to the side, and the other junior students on opposite side. Right after class the test would begin, about an hour or so, often in silence and with no communication.

One went through the forms and demonstrated the movements as the teacher just watched, sometimes looking over to the senior students to silently confirm something.

After the test there was a long silence and it was either a pass or fail.

The students on the other side of the dojo, where I was also sitting, watched the entire test in silence and were asked not to make a sound. Most watched the student taking the test, I watched the teacher looking for a cue or some sort of feedback, something I could notice about the test either adding a bit of pass or a bit of fail.

As the next few classes came and went it was the night of my test, and I felt as confident and as ready as I could be.

Nervous?

Yes.

But that wasn’t going to stop me.

It was when class ended that the teacher announced that there would be no rank tests tonight, and well that was that.

There was never really an explanation in the dojo, as discernment and awareness was always presented and cultivated.

I was ready…

Something must have come up.

I desperately wanted to ask one of the senior students if they knew what happened and why, but that would go against the hierarchy of the dojo. I’d have wait till the next class and see what they volunteered to me.

The next few classes were back to normal and I didn’t get any updates.

I was never tested for the next rank.

I even lingered around a bit longer when passing the senior students on the mat incase they wanted to tell me something.

A few weeks passed and I was wondering if my name was even on the list?

Angry?

A little.

Confused?

A lot.

It was after one of the Wednesday classes that we all went over to the pizza shop a few blocks over from the dojo to grab something to eat before going home for the evening. We all pulled together a few tables, the teacher ordered a couple of pizzas for the group, and when they arrived at the table he had us all pause for a moment.

Before we all grabbed a slice he wanted to let the dojo know that as of tonight I had been promoted to nidan.

I don’t really remember what I said or how I reacted, but I do remember that was the best slice of pizza I every had in my life.